everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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