A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Found your dick twin last night
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
