Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
