she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
