I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
