I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dick very happy bro
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
