You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
