i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
