Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
