"it" just moved
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
