Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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