I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
