Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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