Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
