I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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