call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
