u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
