i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My ATM looks so different sober.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
