I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
