My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
