highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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