Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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