Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
