this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
