ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This house was built for laser tag.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
