Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
