WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
