How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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