I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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