I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
