Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
