I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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