I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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