I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
you never un-have a 4some
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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