I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
