dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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