I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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