i wish there were pregnant emoticons
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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