if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
