there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
