No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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