He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
