You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
