Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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