Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
