Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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