Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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