If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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