Apparently you make a good broom.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
