How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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