He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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