Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
