she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
