Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Randomize
