i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
