I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
