and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
