Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
