some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
